“Clear thoughts,” “healthy relationships,” “toxic relatives,” and other similar definitions are often found in materials on psychology, self-development. Psychohygiene is a system of principles and attitudes that help to maintain mental health, aimed at creating a harmonious, balanced attitude to the environment and to enjoy every minute.
The goal setting – no one owes anyone anything
From early age we are accustomed to complete obedience and constant responsibility, we instill a guilt complex, “wrongness”, try to correct, to instill alien concepts and ideas about life. This is an understandable, legitimate process: the older age thus subordinates, adjusts the younger, in order to organize the succession of generations and avoid chaos.
It’s only afterwards, by the time we’re 30, that we start to wonder why our little girl is such a wimp? He does not want anything, does not aspire to anything? The answer is very simple: better living conditions, lack of daily worries and responsibilities, the need to do hard work to get shelter and food. Industrial and economic potential has reached a level where overproduction literally presses down on the individual, making him work less and buy more and more.
What to do in your spare time? Of course, to compare yourself with others and reproach that “they could”, “they did it”, “and we are on the sidelines, strangers at this feast of life” (©). The most invisible but difficult work is the inner work on yourself, the delayed results of which are perceived by those around you. No blogger or celebrity has become like that by magic. They are really involved in the process of creating and promoting their own image, even if they are loaded with money and have mind-boggling family connections.
Cognitive-intellectual attitudes– Notorious “cognitive dissonance” literally eats our energy, forcing us to act on “idle speed. It is a state of mental discomfort caused by a clash of different interests, principles, beliefs, which cannot be overcome by ordinary means.
Therefore, a person indefinitely postpones the solution of “uncomfortable” surveys, prolongs conflict situations. This puts an invisible weight on him, there is another “block” or “anchor” that holds him in place and does not allow him to switch to other things and relationships.
These can be inner contradictions, reactions to the words and deeds of others, or a social situation. However, man subconsciously seeks to achieve a state of consonance (conformity), “enlightenment”. As we know from history, religion and the arts, the easiest way to become enlightened is to find yourself barefoot and hungry in a remote cave, with no sales plans and intrusive societal stereotypes. Try to achieve consonance, enlightenment and nirvana, without leaving the cash register, here and now.
As a consequence of this psychological discomfort the individual tries to “ignore” irritating situations, so you can often hear the advice “forget it, relax,” “it will go away. And this is correct if one accurately understands one’s desires and consequences. Here it is appropriate to remember Descartes’ square for decision making. Mentally divide the square into four parts, each of which contains a question:
What happens if it happens?
What would happen if it did NOT happen??
What would NOT happen if they did?
what will NOT happen if it does NOT happen?
Rank the answers you have received on a scale of 1-4 if no option seems obvious and preferable to you. In any case, you will either have to change the situation or your attitude toward it, because it is foolish to repeat the same action and expect a different result.
Behavioral-willful attitudes– Activity, determination, purposefulness or apathy, procrastination, endless procrastination. It would be rational to combine these qualities and attitudes in one’s behavior, but each individual’s behavioral pattern is built on dominant, defined algorithms of action and reaction.
In this connection, you may recall an interesting typology of people in the primitive communal system, when people were divided into “gatherers”, “hunters”, “prospectors”, and “builders”. Indeed, our actions are determined by a set of parameters on the temperament, character, the conditions of upbringing, needs and motivation. It is impossible to lure a “builder” to hunt in extreme conditions with any plushies and vice versa.
Therefore, your task – to identify the leading, your main abilities and in accordance with them, but not with other people’s expectations and admonitions to build their own destiny. Do not covet too much, do not be afraid of the new and do not look back too often, there are only shadows and faint echoes of the past.
You do not have to prove anything, a school honor student does not mean a deputy or a successful businessman. Once you have left the school corridors, the chronological boundaries of when you “should have time” to finish high school, build a career, start a family practically disappear, get blurred.
It is all the more stupid to make excuses and lament about it: “if I didn’t do it, it means I didn’t plan it!”. Stop beating yourself up over unrealized plans, postponed projects, and unearned Nobel Prizes and set a realistic bar for achievement.
And the main thing: you need to consider not only what you do not have, what you have not achieved. Start with what you have: a home? education? career? interesting friends? caring relatives? A useful or exciting hobby? Now you might think: what more do you want?
Unjustified ambition, fruitless expectations, insecurity, regret, disappointment in your actions or inactions also slow you down, “anchor you in place. Laugh and dance and move on, the sun will rise for billions more days.
According to psychologists, the greatest envy and jealousy is not caused by another’s level of welfare, but by the opportunity to self-fulfill, to do the job chosen, even against other people’s demands and criteria. “If you are criticized, it means you are moving in the right direction.”
Emotional-sensitive attitudes– The most fleeting, unstable, but the most impactful. Under the influence of emotions, you can do very unexpected things that, on second thought, seem crazy. From an evolutionary perspective, emotions often get in the way of cooperative action and social advancement.
But it is an indispensable mechanism for relaxation and relaxation, removal of unnecessary, “accumulated” experiences. It is emotions that help clear the “cache files” in our minds. It is emotions that are an indicator of how “good or bad”. Not money, not friends, not connections, but inner feelings and moods determine the real value of life.
Emotions can and must be controlled, produced, updated, like the software on your computer. This is a file manager which highlights the most important, urgent tasks, shows system glitches or errors.
Emotional “anchors” are an insidious thing that can scratch the soul for years in the form of a small splinter or poison a relationship. You just need to do a complete revision of your feelings and sensations in all strategic areas and do a complete “reset”.
Feelings of guilt, envy, and resentment are the most unhelpful, counterproductive, but very energy-consuming, and interfere with cooperation and judgment. A simple anecdote on the subject: a man says about his wife that she’s been silently offended for three days, and I still haven’t been able to figure out why.
So you must have built-in filters to help you deal with your emotions and channel them into constructive action. Instead of silent resentment, you can simply say, “I was very upset that instead of a cappuccino you brought me a frappuccino.”. Speak of yourself, not the other: “You set this up on purpose to destroy our marriage and the structure of the solar system.”.
Rules of psycho-hygiene
Imagine you are in a house with open windows, with a wonderful landscape and a radiant atmosphere around you. But you constantly look out the same window and see the same picture, it is already very boring and does not cause a desire to observe it. And now imagine that you have looked there from another window, the angle has changed a little, it became more interesting, and if you look at all from the other side of the house? And if you do decide to go outside for a walk?
Unfortunately, the decisive motive in the formation of goal-setting becomes not the desire for better, not the desire for a higher level, but the need to eliminate a conflict, a stressful situation. That is, many act on this principle: I’ll buy myself an umbrella so I don’t get wet, not so I can take a walk amidst a lovely rainy prospect.
Basic principles and rules of psychohygiene
Striving for what you want without a guarantee of getting it and without further self-abasement.
Clear boundaries of personal spaceNo exceptions even for close friends and relatives. If you agree to the intrusion, be prepared to sacrifice your time and interests in favor of an illusory status.
Self-esteem outside of other people’s, imposed categories, you will never please everyone and everyone will not like you.
Self-reflection and self-criticism on the merits. “I couldn’t find a new job now because there’s a crisis in the job market, I’ll try again” instead of “I’m a loser, what else could you expect after getting laid off”.
A balance of rights and duties.“I am obligated to spend more time with my wife, but I have the right to refuse to do puzzles or watch soap operas with her.”
Meaningful Counteraction, Despite the constant threats and provocations. As the saying goes, “there are so many things and events in the world that do not need our attention and our discontent”.
The “sieve” for communication with a simple question: “do I want it or don’t I??”. I want to do it, yes or no? I want to communicate with this person – yes or no?
