How to overcome shyness

Shyness is a quality which makes life very difficult. You can’t meet new people, you can’t speak in public, you can’t express your ideas, etc.d. Let us tell you what causes shyness and how to overcome it.

How to overcome shyness

Shyness – genes or a response to the environment

Study by scientists of King’s College London shows that shyness is caused by genes only 30%, the rest – the influence of others.

These conclusions were drawn from the results ofstudies, in which the degree of shyness was compared between twins with identical genes and twins who shared only half the genes.

Thus, shyness is not an innate quality, and you can get rid of it, if you set a goal.

Signs of shyness

Manifestations of shyness can be as follows:

  1. you are terrified of any public speaking;

  2. you find it difficult to talk to people you don’t know and to people you have only recently met;

  3. Talking barely audible, trying to give the shortest possible answers;

  4. Do not start a conversation first, waiting when you start talking to you;

  5. Can not look into the interlocutor’s eyes and constantly look away;

  6. you are very selective in your contacts, because it is hard to communicate with others.

You feel that at a moment of shyness, you get lost, your heart starts to beat faster, your palms are sweaty and your hands are shaking. Your thoughts get mixed up, you lose your orientation in the situation. No wonder that at this time it is impossible to adequately assess the situation and make good decisions.

Possible consequences

Shyness can cause you to miss out on a lot in life because of your indecision and inability to show initiative. You are afraid once again to clarify a point that you do not understand, do not insist on your point of view, etc.d. As a result, there is no movement in the career, and perhaps the satisfaction of his professional activities.

Shyness also interferes in personal life because of the fact that it is difficult to get acquainted with the opposite sex, and openly communicate with him. Possible stiffness in an intimate relationship, which is also not conducive to strengthening relationships.

Shyness can also lead to health problems. The person is in emotional strain, which is very exhausting. Wasting internal resources can lead to emotional burnout and apathy.

So, overcoming shyness – a necessary step to create a successful life and harmonious relationships.

Tips for getting rid of shyness

Change yourself – no easy matter, so you must be prepared for a long work on himself. But if you are determined to overcome shyness, follow our advice and you can change.

Get the reasons

The first step in rectifying the situation is introspection. You must understand that the root of shyness is not lying on the surface, and most likely it originated after certain events in the past. Which means you need to go back to your teenage or childhood to find the complexes that prevent you from living freely.

Next, you need to understand the causes of their appearance and begin to work on their elimination. Of course, it is better to do this with a specialist, but even if you work on your own, it will give results. For example, if the problem of shyness appeared because of excess weight, you need to reduce it, and if you are hampered by improper diction – see a speech therapist.

Keep a success diary

Most people have no problem berating themselves, easily finding faults in themselves that make them unworthy of success. But only a few people know how to love themselves.

To change the attitude towards yourself, make a success diary where you write down any, even the smallest achievements, for example, if you were able to get up 10 minutes earlier today to have time for breakfast. Here you can also add appearance or character traits, which are your strengths and differentiate you from others. If it is difficult to find them on your own, ask your parents or friends to help in this matter.

The success diary is a great motivator when it seems that you stand still, and there is no development. You don’t take into account small victories, so it seems that you can’t achieve anything. Regularly recording accomplishments of any magnitude can help you see your growth and increase your self-esteem.

Analyze the past failures

To go forward you must have the strength to do so. And to get them, go back to your memories, find mistakes and analyze them. In the time that has passed since their accomplishment, you have become more mature and smarter, which means that you can avoid repeated blunders in the future.

This analysis is very important, because the failures often remain in the memory in an abstract form. You remember what you failed, but your brain hides the specific situation, so as not to traumatize. And your task is to remember as many details as possible, relive the situation and think about how you could act to avoid similar consequences.

Work on developing self-confidence

How to overcome shyness

This requires stepping out of your comfort zone and admitting that staying in a cozy shell is not conducive to developing self-confidence. So, you need to go out in public, attend events, be in the company of strangers and train your communication skills. By purposefully creating unpleasant situations for yourself, you look for ways out of them and learn to act on the circumstances.

A great training tool is talking to passersby. Approach people of different gender and age, ask any question to start a dialogue and talk to them. This way you can see how people react in different situations and you can use this later on to successfully communicate.

Improve your self-esteem

To get rid of shyness you need to change the attitude towards yourself.This means that you need to learn:

  1. accept compliments without feeling shy or considering them as flattery;

  2. to love yourself, regardless of the number of achievements

  3. Do not engage in self-criticism, even if you did not succeed in something, it is OK, try again.

The attitude of the people closest to you is very important here. You can ask for help from family and friends to tell them that they love you more often, to compliment you and to acknowledge even the smallest achievements.

Another way to boost your self-esteem is to find a hobby. Doing what you love is easier to achieve a good result, and any success will help to strengthen your confidence.

Be aware of your sense of humor and self-irony

The best way to get rid of complexes is to laugh at them. Learn self-irony, it’s a defense mechanism the psyche turns on to relieve nervous tension. It will help you get rid of self-inflicted errors. If you laugh at yourself, others will not be able to, which means that you will be spared the offensive jokes of others.

Don’t strive to be perfect

Perfectionism makes life much more difficult because you are always trying to do everything perfectly. It is almost impossible, so failure is inevitable. And this, in turn, becomes the cause of failure and complexes.

Fear of making a mistake shapes fear of the action itself, so the person decides that it is easier to do nothing. This is the wrong position, because mistakes give invaluable experience and show the right direction. You can’t learn anything without making mistakes, so give yourself credit for them.

Control your emotions

Shyness involves getting too emotional about any problem. Failure or a hurtful word hurts so much that you prefer to do nothing to minimize the risk of facing them.

In this case, you need to learn to restrain your emotions and not to overreact to the situation. To do this you can:

  1. Do breathing exercises, such as breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth;

  2. Take your time to count in your mind to 10;

  3. To imagine in advance the possible reaction of others and to prepare for it;

  4. Learn to switch gears by thinking about things that are completely irrelevant to the current situation.

By learning to restrain your emotions, you will react more calmly to the actions of others, which means that over time you will get rid of shyness.

Take care of your appearance

How to overcome shyness

Dress comfortably, but appropriately for the situation. For example, no need to come in jeans and sneakers for a business dinner, even if you are so comfortable. But to suffer in uncomfortable heels is not necessary at all, to conform to fashion. It is important to find a balance – so that you look presentable and at the same time, feel confident. To do this, you need to practice, try out different images until you find your style.

And, of course, it is necessary to follow the rules of hygiene, to look not only fashionable, but also neat.

When you know you look good, it adds to your self-confidence, which means shyness has no place.

Practice communication skills

Work on becoming an interesting conversationalist. Correct your speech or diction if necessary. Practice in front of the mirror to learn your facial expressions and use them correctly. Express your thoughts correctly and accurately, so you can convey your thoughts to the interlocutor without offending him.

Don’t violate personal boundaries, keep your distance when talking. Remember about eye contact, but do not overdo it, you need during the whole conversation to look intently into the person’s eyes.

Also remember the non-verbal signals – try to gesticulate less, so as not to give the impression of an insecure person.

Use such tricks of successful communication as:

  1. Addressing to the interlocutor by his or her name;

  2. Repeat after him the last words;

  3. Clarifying questions that show your interest.

And, above all, practice more. The more practice, the faster you can get rid of shyness. But it is not necessary to be too intrusive; if you see that the conversation is bothering the person you are talking to, politely stop it. Here it is important to understand that such a reaction does not necessarily mean that you did something wrong, maybe the subject of the conversation was really not interesting.

Enroll in acting school

It’s a great way to get rid of shyness, because every class you will be in the company of strangers in a public setting. Here you will learn to loosen up, to forget about stiffness and complexes, to open up as much as possible. And acting skills will help in future communications.

These classes are very difficult at first, so it is important to talk to the teacher and explain your problem. A competent specialist knows the intricacies of working with shy people, so it will help to open up as comfortably as possible.

Enrolling in such courses, you need to know that no one will laugh at you, you will work with the same beginners who also doubt themselves.


Create positive attitudes for yourself that will program you for success. It is important to compose sentences that do not have negative particles. For example, instead of telling yourself you are not afraid of criticism, tell yourself you are open or willing to be criticized.

Repeat the affirmation several times each day. For example, tell yourself that you will succeed, you will achieve everything, be confident in yourself. Repeat this for 10-15 minutes a day and gradually your subconscious will realign. Of course, you should not wait for an instant effect, but little by little you will change your inner attitudes, which means that your attitude toward the world will change, too.

Regardless of which method you choose to work on yourself, you need to understand thatYou need three ingredients to achieve a result:

  1. time;

  2. practice;

  3. persistence.

Don’t abandon what you start halfway and walk confidently toward your goal. Practicing daily, you will notice that every conversation with a stranger makes you more confident in yourself, and proper introspection will show exactly what you need to work on to overcome shyness.

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