How to Control Yourself – Research by Scientists and Technicians

To manage your emotions, reactions, and behavior, you must improve yourself. Psychologists say that mastering the skills of self-control has a positive effect on personal effectiveness and the development of latent potential. A selection of techniques will open up new opportunities for the development of emotional intelligence, success in different areas of life, get rid of outdated behavioral patterns.

How do I manage myself?

What is self-regulation and why do we need it?

First it is important to realize the necessity of being able to manage yourself. Life is a series of events on different planes. Internal ones are related to thoughts, emotions, and feelings; external ones are conditioned by situations in the material world. The flow of events never fades away. Orderliness requires control, which requires tremendous expenditure of energy.

With the right skill, it is possible to change the course of their development. You can never completely control the flow of events – there are always things that are beyond your capabilities, and many processes run according to laws that operate automatically. But if you free your attention from the control of others, and redirect the focus to yourself, there is a chance to achieve good results.Knowing how to manage your inner state helps:

  1. to remain unperturbed in stalemate situations;

  2. Make deliberate decisions;

  3. Balance feelings;

  4. get what they want.

It takes a well-developed EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient). It serves as the body’s signaling system for survival and self-actualization. A man must feel fear, anger, joy; otherwise it is impossible to understand what you need to change in yourself. It is not with your emotions that you must not fight, but learn to maintain balance and psychological equilibrium and successfully interact with those around you.

The concept of emotional intelligence

If IQ reflects intellectual and analytical abilities, then EQ reflects personal qualities, the type of nervous system, psychological stability. It was first mentioned in 1990 after an article of the same name by J. Salovey. Mayer and P. Salovey. Researchers conducted evidence that the emotional type of intelligence controls behavior and built the concept on the differentiation of feelings.The idea was developed and popularized by D. Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence” where he derived 4 components.

  1. Self-awareness is necessary for analyzing emotions, weaknesses and strengths, reflexivity.

  2. Self-control helps to “keep a face”, to keep the inner balance in any situations.

  3. Social empathy – to show empathy, teaches adaptive communication.

  4. Verbal self-regulation. Verbal skills are needed for communicative preferences and conflict-free interactions with people.

It follows that EQ affects motivation and productivity. A high level helps you learn, avoid procrastination, avoid typical behavioral errors, control the mental agenda. Communicate easily with such people, establish social connections. They do not succumb to outside influence, bouts of passive-aggressive behavior.

uresearchersJ. Mayer and P. Salovey to this approach there are claimsBecause of similarities with psychotype theory, difficulty with measuring intelligence. But they agreed that this genetic resource needs to be pumped up and personal effectiveness needs to be improved.Byto the dataEQ workTwice as important as professional skills. About 44% of the respondents consider it to be a major leadership potential. It protects from getting into serious conflict situations, grades feelings, helps to make decisions with a cool head.

How to Manage Mental Self-Regulation?

How do you manage yourself?

The complex of psychological techniques is based on biological self-adjusting systems supporting the physiological parameters at a certain level.A balanced psycho-emotional state is achieved:

  1. The power of persuasion;

  2. Relax your muscles;

  3. Elimination of nervous agitation;

  4. changing the psycho-emotional status.

Natural self-regulation includes: sleep, food, relaxation in nature, movement, laughter, positive thoughts, art, psychological support. Use the suggested methods for increasing irritability, loss of energy, and emotional burnout. A systematic approach is appropriate for creating an individualized model of control.


The physiological process affects the muscle tone and the brain centers. Deep breathing relieves agitation and promotes relaxation. Chest breaths have the opposite effect and increase mental tension.Relaxation cycle:

  1. Breathe on the count of 1…4 with your stomach bulging;

  2. Hold your breath for four seconds;

  3. Exhale slowly, counting backwards from 6;

  4. Before the next cycle, pause for 4 seconds and repeat.

After 5 cycles of arousal, it’ll go down noticeably.

Muscle relaxation

The fact that emotional stress creates muscle spasms is known not only to psychologists and neurologists. Mental and physiological processes are linked. From the nervous excitement caused by a negative feeling, the muscles “become “deregenerous” and form spasms in the jaw, neck, back, shoulders. When excited, the brain sends more electrical signals to them.

When one calms down, fewer proprioceptive impulses come from the skeletal musculature. First the brain sinks into passive wakefulness, then the wave activity decreases.Exercise does not achieve complete relaxation, so use it locally and repeatedly.

  1. Close your eyes if possible. Look around your body for a spasmodic spot.

  2. With a volitional effort on the inhale until the muscles tremble and feel every cell.

  3. Drop it along with the exhalation.

  4. Repeat until the feeling of warmth.

Worst of all, clamps go away from the lower face. Try to masticate and massage.

Verbal regulation

The mechanism of self-inducement affects psychophysiological functions. It’s about the need to introduce the right thought into the mind and make an objective change. The effect depends on the correct phrase construction.The verbal impact on the brain is realized through:

  1. self-talk;

  2. Programming and encouragement;

  3. ideomotor training;

  4. Sensory reproduction of images.


These are orders of 2-5 words, made to oneself in a non-committal tone. Formulating simple and short sentences without the particle “not”, reduce emotional stress and encouragement to action. Words are related to comprehending actions and are triggers: “Exhale and speak calmly!”, “Ignore the hint!”. Phrases pronounced loudly and in a fervor are immediately deposited on the subcortex. King Henry IV ordered himself before a battle: “Come on, you cowardly bastard!”, and inspired by an example of fearlessness.

Self-programming and encouragement

For motivation under high mental stress, it is useful to recall similar situations and compare with past experiences. For reassurance, encourage yourself with words of praise: “Well done!!”, “Clever Girl!”. Affirmations help to tune yourself to the result. Use specific words to enhance the effect: “Today is the day I will pass the exam.

Ideomotor training

Mental replaying of the situation with visualization of muscular and bodily sensations will definitely increase the result. This method is common in sports. The weightlifter first paints in his imagination a detailed picture of the competition. He sees himself approaching the barbell, doing the snatch, slowly straightening his elbows and lifting the barbell. Feel with each cell the tension in the body, the muscle trembling, the sensation of sweat. The method has proven effective in creating the right behavioral strategy, professional style, and self-control. Such training reduces the effect of the novelty factor, increases psychological comfort.


If it seems difficult to hold focus, to stop the internal dialogue, train yourself with the exercise “Five”:

  1. Look around and mark five objects of different colors.

  2. Close your eyes and imagine in front of your eyes, trying to catch the 5 sounds.

  3. At the same time, note five bodily sensations at the moment.

  4. When attention begins to slip, note to yourself and return to the beginning of the task.

If foreign thoughts overpower you, line up and watch them cloud pass by. Later, the flow will dry up.

Exercise for the development of self-observation

How do you control yourself?

Without training, it is difficult to identify information because of limited attention span. At the same time, a person receives information from outside and inside the body. To get in touch with your senses, you need to feel the fullness. The simplest exercise will help you learn about the physiological processes.The object of observation will be the hand.

  1. Stretch your fingers, connect and press the tips of both hands together.

  2. Make an effort and squeeze an imaginary rubber blower 20 times with your palms.

  3. Rub your palms together until you feel warm.

  4. Make 10 squeezes/unclenches with fist until muscular fatigue.

  5. Release tension by shaking your hands.

Put your palms on your lap and focus all of your attention on the inner sensations in your left hand and then in your right hand. Identify the heaviness, temperature, moisture, throbbing, numbness in your fingertips and try to remember them. Shift the focus to the body. Catch how the reactions intensify/weaken and the sensations migrate through the body.

The Art of Controlling Yourself

Relying on IQ potential, find triggers of influence through awareness. It will help you understand in which situations you give out automatic reactions that often have negative consequences. Events are driven by habits, stereotypical reactions and patterns deposited in the subconscious mind. When confronted with rational thinking, there is an inner conflict. Hence all the trouble.Make a list of dangerous emotions that cause uncontrollable behavior. In the journal:

  1. Divide the sheet into two columns.

  2. In one, write down what actions are prompted by emotions; in the second, what the rational brain is prompting.

  3. Ask: when they outweigh arguments of logic, when reason rejects impulse-intuitive guesses?

You will realize that without a balance of feelings and logic is difficult to find the right decisions. Once in a critical situation, try to find answers through organizing thoughts on paper. Seeing a list in front of you with arguments is more likely to come to the right conclusion.

Develop self-discipline

This is the best way to get rid of internal sabotage and a tool for achieving goals, increasing productivity. It stands for five points:

  1. Approval, formed on the evaluation of the current state.

  2. Willpower, which gives a push to overcome inertia.

  3. Willingness to work on habits.

  4. Perseverance – the ability to accomplish your intended tasks regardless of your mood.

  5. Mindfulness, where the mind does not get in the way of analyzing emotions, adequately assessing situations and actions.

Impressive people are better to combine the method with dissociation, which helps to remove yourself from the experience. You will learn to observe yourself from the outside, distinguish between personal and imposed emotions, remove the negativity associated with it, and move into a neutral state. Start performing techniques for self-regulation today, and after 3-4 weeks life will be more successful.

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