How to be an adult

As a child, the desire to become an adult was determined by the desire for separation (escape from parental care), freedom of choice, and endless fun. But we grow up, and the inner child keeps rebelling in search of unburdening fun. To become a really mature person means to get rid of infantilism and become the master of your life. What infantilism represents:

  1. Immaturity of the emotional-volitional sphere.Stuck in childhood, the adult cannot control his or her feelings and emotions, even when this is required. That is why infants often cry, show aggression and easily lose their temper in stressful situations.

  2. Poor mechanisms of interpersonal interaction. Adult interactions take place in positions of equality. Infant assumes a childlike position where he or she is not given responsibility and is helped in every way. If a relationship partner begins to demand to take on the role of an adult, he or she loses self-control and behaves extremely emotionally.

  3. Escapism (responsibility avoidance).People get stuck in the child’s position, mostly because they are afraid to take responsibility in their own hands. To step back and not meet his or others’ expectations means to them to drop their self-value. It is easier to shift responsibility to others and skillfully avoid difficulties.

  4. Lack of clear organization. The infant is easily late for important meetings, does not keep promises made, refuses to say anything.

Ardelianova Ya.a. and Saidov had an interestingsocial research, aimed at studying the representation of youth infantilism in the media, and specifically on the example of television and Internet advertising. As a result, we have discovered that the majority of trailer characters exhibit childlike behavior (67%). In the “independence” category, according to the results of the analysis, only 15% of heroes cope completely independently (30% get away from problems, 25% are helped by relatives or friends, and 30% are helped by a “magic power”). Young people, who tend to adopt the visual images shown by the media, acquire the traits of infantilism.

In this article, we will consider the psychological portrait of the infantile person, the reasons why we can not get out of the childish position, and ways out of it.

How to become an adult

The main characteristics of the infantile person

It is not difficult to recognize the infant in front of you. Upon close acquaintance and a couple of leading questions he quickly reveals himself. This is because, like children, they have difficulty keeping their feelings under control. The following behavioral reactions and personality traits indicate an immature person:

  1. Egocentrism.A true infante never admits to being wrong in front of a person who demonstrates a different opinion. The extreme focus on one’s own personality and placing it in the center of the universe does not allow the adult in the child’s position to understand and analyze another’s point of view. All decisions they make are based on personal needs, irrational aspirations and desires. In a dialogue they tend to discuss only their own problems and believe that it is their interlocutor’s duty to listen to them and express sympathy.

  2. Lack of autonomy. Hedonism is a fundamental principle of life of infants. Actions and behaviors that make them summon the willpower to make an effort and fist are frightening to them. Anything that requires focus, will, and diligence is put off and forgotten. This is due to lack of willpower to concentrate on an important task. Problem-solving is shifted to “significant adults” in the infant’s eyes. These are the people caught in his or her manipulations.

  3. Irresponsibility.If he/she stubbed his/her toe on a chair leg, it would be the chair or the person who was nearby and didn’t save him/her. Infants clearly show a tendency to carry the guilt for their actions and deeds. At work, they do not climb the career ladder because it requires them to take responsibility and become an independent team member. They need the company of others all the time, so they can shift the burden of responsibility to others.

  4. Inability to make plans. Infants do not know how to plan for the distant future. They have no idea what will happen to them in a week or a month. This kind of behavior in relation to their lives is dictated by escapism and attempts to preserve the child component of the personality. Denial of future planning acts as a defense mechanism.

  5. Lack of reflection on past experiences.They don’t learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others. Infants, therefore, get into unpromising relationships (sometimes with the same person) several times in a row because they are unable to analyze and learn from past experiences.

  6. Striving to find a patron. The presence of a “significant adult” nearby, who is ready to make decisions for him and make the conditions of life favorable, determines the infant’s inner comfort. And they often find patrons and enter into dependent relationships. This has to do with their childlike position (parent-child system). This bonding is characterized by constant monitoring, educational activities, restrictions, and even physical punishment.

  7. Accepting life from a playful point of view.The life of an infante is a fascinating quest. He looks at actions from the game point of view and chooses the most interesting tasks (escapism is also evident here). Instead of self-education and work, he will choose to go clubbing or shopping.

Causes of infantilization

Among the origins of infantilization, psychologists distinguish between deep reasons (coming from childhood) and social ones (acquired along the way of conscious socialization). v.v. Lebedinsky, I. ju. Kulagina and other experts who study the phenomenon of infantilism,put forward theoreticalPrerequisitesAge periodization shifts. There are two main reasons for the early formation of the individual:

  1. Breach of basic trust in the world (up to 1 year). The mother is the child’s guide to the outside world before the age of 1. The child does not realize that he and his mother are separate persons. At this stage, the mother’s care, love and frequent tactile contact form a trusting relationship with the outside world. Cold, emotionally deprived body shapes fear of the world. The adult child avoids responsibility in every way possible in order to stay out of trouble.

  2. Pathological course of the 3 year old crisis.The self crisis ends with the final separation of the child from the personality of the parent. He begins to recognize himself as a person and seeks autonomy. Hyperprotection, hindering the child from overcoming the crisis, leaves the child attached to the parents.

There are a host of reasons for the development of infantilism in young and older adolescents:

  1. Cult of beauty and youth.Modern currents carry the propaganda of beauty and youthfulness. Becoming an adult and conscious is no longer fashionable, so the future infants are stuck in a childish position for many years.

  2. Economic instability. The difficulties of gaining material stability in the early stages of separation from parents cause fear. It is easier to remain in parental care, accepting their care and control.

  3. Shift in value orientations.Having a family, having children, and creating a family home are no longer leading value orientations. Young people are increasingly committed to a “life for themselves,” where there is no place for a grown-up attitude and t.d.

Ways to help you grow up

Ways to help you become an adult

If you have realized that you are stuck in childhood and are looking for ways to make your personality mature, conscious, then check out the following tips.

Break free of stereotypical thinking

The world is changing, and so are the people in it. From an infant’s perspective, grasping onto a single correct opinion or stereotype is much easier than having a flexible mindset. When a controversial situation comes up for discussion, consider whether you are reasoning from a stereotypical perspective or analyzing it from within? Immature individuals think and act in terms of social clichés. Break patterns, be guided by inner feelings – it will help you get rid of the stereotypes imposed by society.

Shift the focus of responsibility to yourself

Stop looking for the causes of failure in the people and circumstances around you. When your actions lead to unpredictable results, don’t be quick to blame other people. Even if you really want to. Consider at what point the situation got out of hand and how you were involved. Notice that other people do not figure in your in-depth introspection. Once you learn to see yourself at the center of the successes and failures that happen to you, a sense of responsibility will come to you.

Manage your emotions

The ability to control emotions is not easy, but when you master it, life will be controlled and aware. If a conflicting emotion arises, try to analyze it. What exactly caused it? Why do you feel so strongly about it?? What behavioral tactics would be appropriate in this situation? Incorporating reflection can help distract you from your violent reactions and give you time to find appropriate behavioral tactics.

Get a diary

Take charge of your business as a responsible adult. Start planning for one day. Write it down by the hour, how much time you set aside for breakfast, work and personal meetings, hobbies, education, etc.d. And try during the experimental day to strictly follow the designated time frame. After successful completion, try to plan two days, and t.d. What you will get out of this experiment:

  1. Clear organization in time.

  2. Learn to plan and assess your own abilities.

  3. Realize the value of time, your own as well as others’.

  4. Punctuality.

  5. Taking responsibility for your actions.

Think about what is valuable to you

The drawback of infantile people is the lack of inner support and value orientations. Analyze your life experiences, prioritize what you normally focus on in your decision making. Eliminate the ones that meaningful personalities and patrons have broadcast on you. Find the core of your thoughts. In-depth introspection will help you get out of the position of an adult child.

Learn how to interact with people in a constructive way

Immature individuals build relationships from a child’s perspective. This is often a manipulative tactic where each uses the other’s weaknesses to their own ends. Mature, fulfilled people build healthy relationships based on mutual respect and responsibility. Several techniques from Mark Rhodes’ book “How to Talk to Anyone” will help you build a constructive dialogue:

  1. Active listening. Learn to listen to your interlocutor. Transmitting what you say, without giving your partner the opportunity to express his point of view, diminishes the value of the dialogue and keeps your contacts to a minimum. Ask questions about the topic of the conversation, so you show your attention and respect for the interlocutor’s words.

  2. Don’t give negative evaluations. Sharp evaluations decrease the effectiveness of the interaction. Learn to analyze incoming information without weighing it against subjective assessments. This will make you a considerate, tactful and mature partner in the dialogue.

  3. Don’t ask very personal questions. Even with close acquaintances, try to avoid questions about financial difficulties, health problems, painful relationships, etc.d. Constant uncomfortable questions lead to alienation and subsequent discontinuation of communication with you.

Learn empathy

Infants are unable to empathize and get into the other person’s position. Hence, problems in relationships and misunderstandings with family, loved ones. Try to analyze your interlocutor’s feelings and emotions, think about what you would do in his/her place. The ability to empathize will help you effectively interact with people, understand their ulterior motives.

Engage in self-education

The ability to act in non-standard situations is consciously developed by having an impressive amount of knowledge. It is through constant self-improvement that you gain a broad outlook, self-discipline skills, and get closer to the position of an adult. How you can educate yourself:

  1. Reading fiction. It will help to increase the vocabulary, learn to express your thoughts beautifully. Sometimes the lack of appropriate words causes us to show emotion when it is inappropriate.

  2. Continuing education courses.They will transform your knowledge, teach discipline, and help you advance your career.

  3. Reading professional literature.Familiarity with related professional fields increases your value as a professional. Making time to read on a regular basis instills discipline and makes you a grown-up.


It is good when the qualities of an immediate, carefree child remain in an adult. The problem occurs when the inner child occupies all areas of life. ✅ Once you have recognized the difficulties of being overly immature, you will work on improving yourself. And it will bring a lot of benefits, and you will become the adult you always wanted to be.

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