How to be a Relaxed Mother

There are no perfect moms, but there are happy and calm moms. It is important that the state of adults is transmitted to children, so it is so important to keep a mental balance, even when it seems impossible.

Here are some rules to help you become a calm mom who doesn’t get mad at her child and enjoy spending time with her child.

Life after childbirth – scientific research

How to become a calm mom

Scientists have found out that having a child takes more than 10 years of a mother’s life and beauty. A team of researchers at George Mason University in the United States conducted an experiment involving 1,954 women of different ages, constitution and social status. Among them were the unborn, as well as mothers of one to five children who lived a healthy lifestyle and consumed alcohol or cigarettes.

Study results showed that compared to non-birth mothers, mothers had telomeres at least 4.2% shorter. This equates to about 11 years of cell aging, i.e.e. Her ability to divide or 3 years of biological aging. Thus, childbirth affects not only a woman’s appearance, but also her health and longevity.

It has also been found that more than 20% of women become depressed. It is not just a depressed state, but a mental disorder that requires treatment. As a consequence, it has been decided to assign postpartum depression a separate code in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), which will take effect in early 2022.

Thus, we can talk about the progress in modern society, thanks to which the difficult state of a woman after childbirth is not perceived as a desire for increased attention, but is classified as a signal for help.

Nevertheless, many moms still experience problems due to their inability to live up to the expectations of others.

Here are our tips for becoming a calm mom who can raise a child adapted to society.

Learn to ask for help

This is the biggest problem of young mothers who are sure that they have to cope with everything on their own. In fact, these sacrifices are not only pointless, they are dangerous. Sooner or later your resources will run out, and all the accumulated fatigue will erupt in the form of a grand scandal, and maybe even an illness.

Ask your family for help instead of pushing yourself to the limit. Often they just do not understand how tired you are. Do not think that a black eye is an unmistakable signal that you need help right away. Talk about it yourself! Ask your husband in the evening to cook dinner or stay with the baby while you quietly take a bath or just lie down. Leave the baby with mom and go get a manicure or go shopping. Even 1 hour alone with yourself will help you restore resources and become a calm mom and wife again.

Sleep every chance you get

The first year of life is almost always sleepless nights with lots of getting up to change diapers/pumping/feeding/pacifier – the list goes on and on.

Even if at first you think that you can easily cope with it, sooner or later you will catch yourself trying not to fall asleep while rocking a baby who is suffering from colic. This is a dangerous situation – if you fall asleep, you can traumatize both yourself and the baby. So there is no need to bring it to this point. When the baby sleeps during the day, lie down and rest instead of running off to do chores. Ask your husband at least once a week to get up with your baby and let you get some sleep. Otherwise you might find that not sleeping enough can cause you to lash out at your family, inflaming the atmosphere in the house. Conserve your resources to remain a calm mom.

Don’t try to be perfect

It’s understandable that you want to have time to do household chores, take care of the baby, and devote time to your husband. But you need to accept right away that it’s okay if you don’t have the energy and time to do everything at once. React calmly to the fact that the sink may contain dirty dishes, and toys may be scattered around the room.

Prioritize your work and divide your time accordingly. Choose the second one between mopping floors and watching a movie with your husband in the evening, because keeping your relationship is more important than keeping your apartment in perfect order.

Don’t listen to the counselors

Be prepared to get advice not only from mom and grandma, but also from everyone around you, including strangers. If you get nervous about every unsolicited piece of advice, you won’t last long.

Learn to just quietly listen to such moralizing without getting into discussions and trying to prove your point. Just because you have listened to someone’s advice politely doesn’t mean you have to follow it. That only you and your husband decide everything about your child.

But at the same time do not exclude the fact that among dozens of unsolicited advice may be one useful, which is really useful to you.

Find a hobby

To break up the days filled with taking care of the baby, find yourself a hobby that you enjoy. Make time for it regularly, so as not to forget that you are not only a mother, but also a person. Engage in self-development, perhaps you will learn a new profession on maternity leave, thanks to which you will not have to return to the office after it ends.

But when you choose what to do, you base it on your interests, not on your ability to make money. This case should bring you pleasure and fill you with resources to remain a calm mom, and the financial issue in this case is secondary (provided that the husband is able to cope with the task of providing for the family).

How to be a calm mom

Get out of the house

Even if you don’t have someone to leave your child with, that’s no reason to stay locked up. Take a route out of the playground. Now that nursing clothes, strollers that can be folded up with one hand and lots of accessories that make baby care easier are available, it’s possible to be very mobile.

Even if you put the baby in a stroller and walk with him to the nearest post office to pay the bills or pick up a parcel, it will be a change of scenery and a little adventure that will diversify your day.

If you often make such outings, you can communicate not only with the mothers on the playground, but also with other people, including experts on various issues. And you’ll soon notice that such a switch helps keep you calm.

Don’t go to extremes

Any topic related to parenting can be a cause for heated discussion. That said, people are divided into two camps, each stubbornly defending their position.

There is no need to get into such arguments and waste energy on them. Instead, calmly analyze the situation and act the way you think is right for your child.

Use modern technology

You may hear phrases from the older generation about how difficult it was for them to live and raise their children. There is often an implicit or explicit rebuke that modern moms have nothing to complain about.

During these discussions, you don’t have to feel guilty about making life easier for yourself. Buy a dishwasher instead of standing at the sink, leave the cleaning to a robot vacuum cleaner, and don’t waste time mopping floors. Using the benefits of civilization will help you conserve resources and remain a calm mom.

Don’t sacrifice yourself

With the birth of a child, you have to reconsider your schedule and change your routine. But this does not mean that you have to give up entirely what brings you pleasure.

Keep going out with girlfriends, going to the pool or painting, just do it with the fact that there is now a little person in the family who must have a daily routine.

5 tips for moms with older kids

If in infancy to be a calm mom you need to restore resources and take care of yourself, then with older children you need to work on yourself a little. It’s hard to restrain yourself and not scold a child who for the hundredth time threw his toys around or got into a puddle in his new sneakers.

We’ve prepared five tips to help you keep your spirits up, even if you feel like you’re on the edge. If you practice them regularly, you’ll soon notice that you’ve stopped overreacting to baby’s antics and have become a calm, balanced mom.

Take responsibility for yourself

Often we shift the blame to our children or outside circumstances. We tell ourselves that we yelled at a child because he wasn’t listening, had a hard day at work, or a magnetic storm hit.

We are actually the only ones responsible for our emotions, so we can control them. You just need to understand that you are not yelling because someone makes you do it, but because you allow yourself to do it, and therefore you can forbid it. When you realize that you are in control of your emotions, the number of breakdowns will decrease dramatically.

Avoid provoking moments

Trace what it is that makes you lose your temper and try to eliminate the reason. For example, if you are nervous that your child is very slow to get dressed, start getting ready earlier, so there is no rush.

Most often, moms break down at the end of the day, splashing out, thus, accumulated fatigue. To avoid this, try to give yourself a rest during the day, to occupy at least half an hour with things that bring you joy. In the evening, sit the child at the cartoons, or instruct the father that you were able to lie in silence for 15-20 minutes.

How to become a calm mom

Stop and think

When you feel that you are on the edge, try to pull yourself together and analyze the situation. Ask yourself just three questions:

  1. Whether children really behave that badly;

  2. Why are they doing this;

  3. What would your reaction be if you were calm?.

This method has two important advantages. While you’re asking yourself these questions and looking for answers, you have time to calm down and not yell. And answering to yourself you may find very interesting things, for example, that children are being naughty not to bring you down, but because they are tired, overexcited, or just missed you and want to get your attention this way.

Take a break

Tell your child honestly that you are very angry, you want to yell at him or her now, and in order to calm down you need to go into another room and sit alone for a few minutes. Even the youngest children can handle such an interval, and you will have time to catch your breath and recuperate.

After you calm down, discuss the situation with your child, explaining that you are not angry because he is bad, but because, for example, he spilled the milk. Be sure to tell him that it is not his fault that you wanted to yell at him, but that you needed time to calm down.

This approach will not only avoid scandals as much as possible, but will also teach your child to control their negative emotions.

Don’t hold back your anger

Suppressing emotions leads to destruction from within, so you need to let them out. Just turn the situation into a game: knead plasticine, hit a pillow, play a dynamic tune and start squatting. Just a few minutes, your anger will fade, and you will be seen by your child as a calm, balanced mom.

So, keeping a mental balance in the process of raising children – an important task, which can be coped with if you make some effort. Do not forget that kids grow up very quickly, and if you are now angry that your child for the fifth time distracts you from work, or you have to constantly get up for him at night, only 5-7 years will pass, and you will be sad to remember the period when he was so necessary. Knowing this, appreciate the moment and remain a calm mom who exemplifies an adult world you can trust.

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