The child – the repetition and reflection of his parents, family routines, his upbringing begins literally from the first days. Tiny brain absorbs gestures, intonations, emotions of adults to prepare the most effective reactions. The basic complex of psycho-neural connections in the brain is formed before the age of 5-6 years, then the child develops intellectually, physically, perceives moral and moral standards, but it is the deep, fundamental rules and ways of communication that he learns in pre-school childhood.
We wanted to do better..
Every parent educates his child based on the premise that he should provide the best possible conditions of life, the most useful, developmental activities, the tastiest, healthiest food. At the same time, she uses a lot of stereotypical, outdated impressions and is unwilling to be critical about her knowledge and habits. Therefore, parents perform many unnecessary, useless actions, confident that they have tried their best.
Young mothers do not know why they buy a bunch of developmental books and toys, take your baby to the school of early development, and then he hopelessly “lags behind” the others. And then watches with horror as the child, by first grade, hates organized activities, because at 3-4 years old he wanted to run around and smear plasticine on the walls, not do sticks and mental math. This is antihuman, antipedagogical, antiphysiological.
Then the child from morning till night teaches, teaches and teaches (apparently, according to the precepts of Lenin’s grandfather), visits clubs and sections, does a lot of unnecessary, pointless projects. And about himself, he dreams of going camping and learning how to make a fire. And again, he secretly hates school order with every fiber of his being. Caring mother again wonders why the bright child hasn’t accomplished anything by age 30. He’s just used to getting straight A’s, so he’s afraid of making mistakes, of doing the wrong thing, of looking stupid, so he won’t have a prestigious career, they need leaders, not nerds.
The most important skills and attitudes in childhood
Let’s discuss universal educational attitudes with children from 3 to 7 years old, when the child actively interacts with the surrounding world, defines the limits of his or her personality, but unconditionally trusts his or her parents and elders in general. The attitude is a signal from adults, which in the mental structure of the child is transformed, becomes an internal motive and belief, determines the direction and results of thoughts and actions.
Cognitive-intellectual attitudes– The general point is to accumulate not the amount of knowledge, but the amount of learning and cognitive techniques and skills. It is necessary for the child not just to memorize examples and answers, but to use different ways of solving them, to apply different thinking, logical operations. Can observe, analyze, compare, generalize, interpret, evaluate, predict, and perform other mental acts.
Behavioral and volitional attitudes– We may want to focus on the formation of a personal motivational system. The child should consciously make decisions, control their implementation and correct the results, take personal and collective responsibility. Sensibility, responsiveness, diligence – these are the leading properties of the child’s consciousness, which is adapted to the fastest acquirement of knowledge by adults. So it is the repeated repetition of facts, rules, actions that becomes the basis of the behavioral pattern in childhood, until the child automatically begins to reproduce the learned skills.
Emotional and emotional attitudes– Perhaps the leading sphere of mental development in childhood, which determines the content and nature of play, communication, cognitive activities. The child initially evaluates the situation at the level of “good – bad” and gradually complicates the evaluative gradation. He is constantly trying to estimate and rank everything, who is more important, what is the best way to act, what characters are more like.
Parental attitudes gradually penetrate a child’s consciousness and subconscious, determining their mood and psychological state and even many of their natural abilities. Influence thinking and behavior, determine goals and how to achieve them, so they are often called goal-setting. It is the settings are the “transfer mechanism” between the blocks in the structure of the psyche, such as needs and the need for their satisfaction.
The functions of parental attitudes are aimed at a comprehensive, balanced upbringing of the child:
educational – to acquire and reinforce new knowledge, skills and abilities;
developing – developing psycho-physiological indicators in accordance with age;
educational – to cultivate feelings and emotions, a positive attitude toward the world around us;
adaptive – adaptation to the current social model of communication;
Motivating – the definition of priorities and life goals, the ability to achieve what is desired;
cumulative – transfer and accumulation of life experience, familiarization with moral norms and rules;
methodological – mastering the meaningful rules of communication and behavior, interaction with other people.
In addition, the attitudes have an evaluative and controlling purpose – to check and evaluate what is happening in accordance with internal perceptions and beliefs, to correct the results obtained. The presence of valid attitudes helps the child to react in the right way to different situations and phenomena.
Rules of communication with the child
It is up to the parents to determine which communication style the child learns: authoritarian, dominant, submissive, or trusting, partner-like, responsible. In childhood, the child unconditionally trusts his parents, tries to follow all the instructions. This imposes additional pedagogical duties to reveal his inner potential, the prerequisites for harmonious development, predisposition to perform certain actions and tasks, including communicative, educational and creative.
Acting in proportion to the age and personal abilities of the child, not idealizing or criticizing without reason. A pre-schooler differs from a more mature personality in that he or she does not yet have the correct psychological defense mechanisms, not able to withstand the pressure of adults. The purpose of education – to form a child’s constructive, productive model of communication and behavior, rather than a “protest”, ultimatum.
Use a dialogic form of communication with feedback, Not just seeking obedience. A child must act consciously, responsibly, and have formed adequate communication and behavioral responses. If adults raise their voice, which often happens in family life, he should not hide under the bed, but ask what happened, that he does not like to communicate in such a tone.
Compare your child only to himself or herself, Not with other children or with ideal images of small geniuses and talents. You can say, “today you played the scales more fluently and almost without mistakes,” unacceptable: “Mozart, at your age, was already giving concerts in front of royalty. All motivation is lost in this way of speaking: “All the islands have long since been discovered,” there’s no way to catch up with Mozart.
Gently evaluate your child’s behavior, rather than his personality: it is much better to say “your applique looks a little messy, let’s redo it together” than “I knew you wouldn’t have the brains to glue three circles on”. After all, any words and assessments of the parents a child also perceives as true, truthful, not without reason there is a proverb “Call a man a hundred times a piglet, the first hundred he grunts”.
Encourage responsibility and independence, If you keep repeating, “it’s too early for you to do this,” “you’ll grow up and understand,” and so on, where will the child get their curiosity and interest, how will they learn to use different skills?. Doing dough – give your baby a piece for his own pie, cleaning – give him a wet wipe, even let there be streaks on the mirror.
Encourage, notice the good, motivateThrough positive attitudes. Compare this to what it sounds like: “If you do your English homework in half an hour now, we can go to the movies and an ice cream parlor. Or, “If you don’t do your homework, we’re not going anywhere. As they say, not really wanted, because then these parents have a way to reproach the child for his care: “We did everything for you, but you are unconscientious, ungrateful, not trying at all in return”.
The baby quickly remembers and learns new information and communication techniques, tries to get attention and praise, repeating parental suggestions and beliefs. Growing up, a child should use his or her own desires and motives, perceptions and attitudes, rather than copy his or her parents’ life path.
If you never went to soccer and did not study ants under a microscope, it does not mean that your child should not do it too. And vice versa, it is also inappropriate and ineffective to burden a child with extra responsibility, a lot of tasks and classes by the “let him do everything” method.
